Friday, December 17, 2010

2 introverts gettin' civil wit' na na na na na na nana

So it's the holidays or something like that. We are all out buying presents and what not for the family, friends, and co-workers (if you are into that).  What we all expect is for the person that is receiving your gift to be grateful and appreciate you act of generosity... however, that is not always the case.  The holidays should be the one time of the year (even though you should be doing it all year long) to be best person you can be (if thats possible).  

We would like to paint a little picture here...this morning on my way to work I heard a very touching story in which sparked this post about being civil and of generosity. 

Dear anonymous morning talk show host -
I’ve been friends with the family I’m writing you about for 5 years. It’s a wonderful family of 6 who has had a rough year. The mom is battling breast cancer and is in her third treatment. The oldest son was hit by a truck last year and now suffers behavioral and other issues as a result. Their middle son is autistic.
This family is always doing things for other people. They opened their home to a family of 5 after the parents got laid off from their jobs. They footed all the bills to help this family while they were down on their luck. They are very humble people who never ask for anything, but they are always first to volunteer their time, limited resources, or lend an ear to anyone who needs it. In fact at this time last year, they adopted a family who needed some extra help to make their holiday more special. Now my friends could use some extra help to give their family an amazing Christmas that will never be forgotten.
With medical bills for the special needs of two kids, plus recurring bills for cancer treatments and everything else that has happened this year, this family has fallen behind on everything.  The mom is super supportive of her kids and their activities in spite of what she is going through. Three of her kids are involved in a not for profit cheer and dance organization, and mom is there for every performance or competition, regardless of how she feels.
I’ve talked to them about Christmas this year and the mother told me that she would be making the majority of the kids Christmas gifts this year. I would love it if you guys could help make this the extra special Christmas that this family deserves. They are always putting others first, so I want them to know what it feels like to have a worry free Christmas that they will never forget.
- Love Karma 

We aren't here to rant and rave today but we would like to express that it makes us sad that people as a society are not more generous and as civil as they can be. You know the right thing to do when someone needs help so take time and help them. If someone takes time out of their busy schedule to help you, show gratitude.  Don't be a scrooge, ya know? 

Don't Stop Believin' 


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

2 Introverts having an exchange....of words.

So, here we all are again. I, Introvert 1, thrive on awkwardness and thus this really isn't a huge deal for me but some of you will find it extremely awkward and uncomfortable to stumble upon. Yes, thats right...public argumentation. To me it seems that there is little that trumps a public argument on the awkward and inappropriate scale. When you stumble upon a public argument or one flares up in the middle of nowhere unexpectedly...its like being at dinner with the family and Daddy hits Mommy and we are still all trying to eat. Ya know...that awkward silence that then ensues. No? Well I guess you didn't come from the ghetto like me where spousal abuse was frequent and welcomed. Okay, I'm kidding.

On the other hand, am I, Introvert 2, the one that loves stumbling upon a couple arguing in public.  I find this post to be a bit contradicting, because it is so entertaining to see people fighting about stupid stuff.  I have even been known to egg on a fight if at all possible.

At any rate, an argument is a personal event and should be kept behind the confines of closed doors. No one really ever cares what Johnny did to Sally or how Sarah treated Jimmy's parents at Thanksgiving...other than the ones involved. I wasn't there eating dinner with your family so I don't care to hear about it. I am not your psychologist...or marriage counselor so please do not plague my life with you problems because everyone knows I have my own. 

Where, in the course of events, did you ever think it was okay to have a yelling match with the curse words flying out of your mouth along with the spit bubbles to subjecting everyone and their children standing in the produce section of the super market. Never, ever have an arguing match in the peanut butter and jelly aisle...children frequent this aisle. 

..."I'm peeking around the Intimate cookies and I'm watching the best nothing fight that I've ever been a part of. They're in eachother's face. Ok, and the guy is saying to the girl and he's doing it like this "Do we have any jelly in the house? Do we or do we not have jelly. You said we did last 
time. I'm looking in the cabinets and I dont see any god damn jelly. I just wanna know if we have any jelly in the house." And she's egging him on, she's like [girl voice] "I dont even like jelly. I dont even like jelly. I get hives if I even look at jelly. Wha--I dont even know about jelly. I've never 
even--What is jelly. I dont even care." And he's like "I dont even give a shit about the hives. I 
want jelly in the fuckin' house. Stat. Pronto. Tonite. I dont give a--I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body and pray to the gods of jelly to burn your soul in a jelly like hell. Now get 
the jelly!" I'm so excited, I'm eating the Intimates out of the box. I've opened a box and I am 
eating. "I'll pay for it. Relax. I know you're concerned, but I paid." This is the point during the 
nothing fight that I like to get involved. I have to get involved and I have to say something. Just a little jab, a little poke that will fuel the fire. And help take it to the next level. As they're going 
back and forth, I walk buy them, I lean in, and I go like this, "hey dude, dude, dude, I know what you mean about the jelly bro. Tell this twat to get jelly. Now." [guy] "See, see! Get the jelly-Uh, 
whats that word again? What, Twat! Good word. Thanks bro. I didnt ev- I forgot about that word. GET THE JELLY TWAT! Great word dude, great word. Twat. Yes."

Don't Stop Believin'


Monday, November 29, 2010

2 Introverts take a Stroll (Not hand in hand, mind you)

Hello again. Introvert 2 and I hope you had a wonderful time stuffing your face full of food over the past few days. We know we did. Anyway, let us get to it, shall we?

So, we are sure you can relate to this at some point in your life. Picture this...there you are all in a rush, or maybe you just have long legs/strides. You are minding your own and walking with purpose. Walking down the sidewalk, walkway in the mall, hall at get the point, a walking path of some sort. You are just cruising and then you wind up behind a strewn out group of people. Just 4 or 5 of them walking in a line on a 3 person wide walkway. Well, you slow up coming to their crawling pace and make loud footsteps so you are heard hoping they get out of the way, movie over, two of them drop back and let you pass or something to the effect where you don't have to end up playing Red Rover on an unsuspecting group of peeps. Do they here you? Of course not. Do they move over, eff that they say. So you wait until there is a small opening in the oncoming pedestrians and zip past them shooting back a look of, "Get the #$%^ out of the way please and thanks." Okay, maybe you are much nicer than that but thats what I do. Introvert 2 agrees with me.

Don't get me wrong people its all fine and dandy to hang out with "the group" but please be considerate to those who don't hang with the "crowd."

Here are a few suggestions Introvert 2 and I have to make life a little bit easier for everyone:

1) When on a sidewalk do not walk in a line perpendicular to the flow of traffic. Make a line. Said line does not need be single file because hey, who wants to walk by themselves...besides Introverts? Do a walking partner line. Two wide isn't a big deal unless its a "one way" walkway. Ya know...those two person wide hallways or such then its all single file buddy.

2) Another thing....when in a public venue such as a mall do not walk against flow of traffic. There are two sides separated by those little "shoppes" in the middle who annoy the piss out of you for a reason. Its like a road...ya know for those of you who have a driver's license. For those of you who don't, underage or just can't seem to figure out how to pass...then let me help you. Since this is America we will use those rules of the road. You're right hand...if you don't have a right hand...then the right side of your body should be closest to the stores...note that I said stores and not shoppes. Follow the flow of traffic in that direction. Once you reach the end of this "road" then its time for a U-Turn. Magically, your right side of the body will still be closest to the stores but you'll be going in the opposite direction. If you ever find yourself with the right side of your body closest to the "shoppes" then YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. You are walking against the flow of traffic. Just remember this if you can't seem to figure out why you seem to be dodging people to walk forward. This typically means they are going the opposite direction of you and if you find yourself struggling to get anywhere without doing this...then that probably means they are going the correct direction and you are not. Do NOT stop and panic. Just merge into the right flow of traffic saying excuse me and thank you...because polite is nice.

3) Stopping. Never just stop in the flow of traffic. Once again a driving analogy. This is like slamming on your breaks and a texter or someone who is not paying attention will rear-end you. This type of rear-ending will seem a lot more personal and you may experience unwanted sexual encounters. Just simply move to the side of the flow of traffic and do your business there.

Don't Stop Believin'


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

An introverted Thanksgiving

We first off want to apologize for the lack of posting lately.  It has been a bit busy at work here and the time to write in our blog has been cut short.  We hope that this is just a little hiccup and we can get back to our normal routine.  

In spirit of the holiday where we decide to begin a seefood diet (yes that is spelled correctly) we thought it would be a good idea to go over the etiquette of Thanksgiving.

1. Just because there is still food left in the bowls doesn't mean that it needs to disappear that day.  Yes, leftovers are okay to have.  We should be giving thanks to the lands and to those who provide the food not devour all the food like selfish pigs.  

2. Be happy and thankful. Almost every employer lets their employees off on Thanksgiving so therefore those that get to spend time with their families should not be in a bad mood.  They should also be thankful that they get the day off (hey, you could be working all day at Walmart or get to go in at 10 pm and work at Toys '(backwards R)' Us).  

3.  Numero duece leads me to my next point all employers should close down on Thanksgiving.  Seriously, its a HOLIDAY! The only places that should remain open are those that are necessary (like the fire station, hospital, and police station).  We can go a day without shopping or fast food because look at most of us not all of us exercise on a regular basis and spend too much money any ways (and besides we already eat terribly on Thanksgiving as it is).

4. Two words BLACK FRIDAY...  It amazes me that one day can help businesses out of the negs.  Have you ever been out shopping on black Friday?  It is total mayhem, why would anyone want to go out in that mess...all you are gonna save is maybe a few much is your sanity worth??????

Lastly I, Introvert 2, may seem a little bitter or hateful towards Thanksgiving, I am not.  Thanksgiving is possibly one of my favorite holidays.  A day to relax and enjoy yourself for no freaking reason at all.  I think I have some resentment towards what the meaning of Thanksgiving to most of America...  I also do not want to sound hypocritical because I have been known to gormandize every now and then and I love going out on Black Friday to watch all the crazies clawing and biting each others heads off but I rarely ever participate.  That is all  I have to say on this subject, I hope everyone enjoys there day off tomorrow (and if you don't have it off I wouldn't blame you if you contemplated burning the place down (not that I condone that either)).  I hope you get all the turkey (or whatever meat/lack of meat(for all you veggies out there) you decide you want to eat) you can eat and get to relax and enjoy a day off of work/school because you deserve it.  

Don't Stop Believin'


Saturday, November 20, 2010

2 introverts in a bathroom...???

Did you think we would keep you hanging forever...??? I, Introvert 2 (yes Introvert 2 is going to try to type this up today),feel that when considering topics of etiquette, the number one topic has to be etiquette in the bathroom. We feel that due to what we were innately given, it is only prudent to focus on male restroom etiquette.  The lou, whether public or at home, is a sacred place, a place where some of our most simplest, animalistic necessities are taken care of.  The hierarchy of needs suggests that until these are take care of, one may not function.  However, with the melting pot of America adding cultures from around the world and the ignorantness of mankind increasing the latrine is becoming deglorified.  

We must break this down into subsections of bathroom etiquette beginning  with the ever so important: Efficiency. 

Before we begin though, I would like to say that I, Introvert 1, am taking over the keyboard. Introvert 2 says he has more nimble fingers than I and a nimble ability to translate, but once again I digress (Introvert 2: "Really...? I digress???")

We feel that men's restrooms are far superior than that of women facilities due to the faster excretion processing time. 

I. Efficiency

- wast no time, this is vital, walk in do your business, wash your hands, and get out. 

- If you have to be told this...that is a little scary. 

- Never make eye contact, this can be dangerous resulting in a beating or unwanted sexual encounters. 

- Resist, at all costs, the temptations to let your gaze wonder to any part of another occupant's body whether their nether regions are of any interest to you or not. 

II. Urinal Section 

- When entering the restroom always select a urinal furthest away from other men currently using the urinal. 
Situation 1: All the urinals are empty .Your action should be to take either of the end urinals  
Situation 2: 1 urinal is currently occupied on either of the ends of the row of urinals. Your         action should  be to take the opposite end urinal. 
Situation 3: Both ends of the urinal row is taken. Your action should be to take the middle urinal. This places you equidistant to both end urinals. 
Situation 4: Both end urinals are occupied as well as the middle urinal. NO URINALS ARE ACCEPTABLE. Your action is to either wait it out or use a stall (preferably the farthest one away). Under no circumstances should two adjacent urinals be used simultaneously. 

III. Flushing

- Urinal flushing is typically optional. 

- Flushing is madatory after a period of time when the urinal water has reached a rich orange in color. 

- Commodes, always flush the commodes there are no excuses for this. 

-If you come upon an unflushed commode...leave, do not use and use another stall. 

IV. Noise Pollution

-Any noise that doesn't eminate from the pluming is consider extremely undisirable, while grunting is consider highly inapropriate. 

- There are allowances made for the occasonal cough or clearing of the throat 

-Speech...never ever under any circumstance say a single word while in the bathroom. Do not talk to a friend, loner, or even to Jesus himself. Violation of this precept grates against all things and the way of nature. It corrodes efficiency of the bathroom and puts the very fabric of our nation in peril. 

Don't Stop Believin'


Thursday, November 18, 2010

2 Introverts Out to Lunch

Well, thanks for returning for day two of our social extravaganza. Today's topic of choice: Restaurant Etiquette. On a side note, today's original topic of choice was going to be the almighty important Bathroom Etiquette but since our "place o work" smelled of hash-browns Introvert 2 had an overwhelming urge to go out to eat for lunch and the rest, as you can tell, is history. 

As we ventured to the outside world to start our journey we had a decision to make...where in the hell were we to go? Well, to preface the executive decision made to subdue the uncontrollable desire to ingest said hash-brown smell,  Introvert 2 heard a commercial on the radio earlier this week about Denny's. As one would now assume Introvert 2 and myself went to Denny's to ingest nutrients. Well, nutrients may not be the correct terminology as having just told you that we went to Denny's so let me re-phrase and say "food schtuffs." Introvert 2 and I would prefer not to hear anymore on the subject matter of our choice to dine at Denny's seeing our boss, who we will so rightly name Captain Introvert, gave us an abundant amount of "poo" for going to said location. 

However, we are not here to discuss the particular location but rather what ensued at this location...ya know...within the walls of the dining establishment. What will follow should apply to all dining facilities throughout  the nation. We cannot speak of the worldly establishments per say, seeing they have different social  and cultural norms, but I digress. At any rate Introvert 2 and myself open the doors to our dinning palace and there it all began. 

First, we were greeted with slight attitude and a sense of condescending tones.  "Hi, ya'll you need to wait over there and someone THEN can help you." (what we will do here is dissect our experience and provide insight on to how our trip could have been over the top and left us wanting to come back...yes to Denny's) May we also note here that we are not experts on the ways of societal rules. We are not trying to say live by our demands. If you disagree with any of what we say we will kindly take your opinion and consider it...then most likely throw it in the garbage. Our main goal here is to do the following: See if anyone else agrees what we are talking about, notices what goes on in public or other areas of "life," provide guidance to those completely oblivious to the world around them, and to take suggestions and incorporate them into our blog. I have digressed again...sadly. 

Back to the original topic here...when a customer comes into your store you do not, I REPEAT DO NOT, want to greet them with a condescending attitude. Let us give a comparable scenario. I, Introvert 1, am at home. Introvert 2 is making his way over to work on a "project." My doorbells (yes I have more than one) ring. I jet to the door and swing it open with vigor (because I am so excited to see my co-worker outside of work). I say, " Hello, do come in,  may I take your coat and please make yourself at home." I then proceed to see if he needs anything. A hostess' job is to do the same thing with the exception of coat stealing. They are to greet you kindly and show you to your table. Then YOUR waitress (or waiter but lets face it serving is for women (jokes because Introvert 2 and I have jokes on jokes))(yes I mean YOURS because lets face it we have all experienced the Houdini Act, where your waitress is no longer your waitress, but another waitress is now indeed your waitress, only to have your waitress come back to be your waitress) should proceed to see if you need anything (you are probably going to have to read that last sentence out loud) but we digress.. again.

Secondly, please in the course of waiting on not be abundantly nice. We understand the concept of working for the tip but honestly folks, no one is happy to dishing up hot food and cold drinks to hundreds of people all night.Wear that smile but don't get all hopped up on the nitrous oxide before coming in for your shift (or w/e else puts the wind in your sails).

Use a logical deduction when coordinating proper agenda as a waitress. What we mean by this is don't bring hot syrup out for pancakes 10 minutes prior to arrival of pancakes...contrary to belief the syrup will get cold.

Reverting back to prior topic...if necessity rises to change waiters or waitresses mid meal do give proper introduction of new server. Confusion causes chaos.

Apologize. If something goes sorry for it because it is your (as a server) or the establishment that you work for faults. It is still customary to follow the restaurant golden rule, the customer is never wrong. However, we would like to note here that it is not always the case and once again would like the server to use logic to deduce when this is the case. For example, at a math conference one would not stand up and shout out 2+2 is 7. This is not logical and not a time to do this. If you do happen to be at a math conference one day for some unknown reason and someone does shout out this absurdity...then it is logical to stand up and go, "you're a dumb dumb and it is in fact 4." I believe you get the point.

Ink smiles. Act of kindness or over the top? If you as a server is going to leave a smile on a check do so to ALL parties present at table. Really...??? Who is going to leave one smiley face on a party's check only to not leave it on that party's guest check. A server should treat each individual that comes in with a group as an equal to the next. It looks bad if you play favorites and ruins your tip from the person you don't smooze over.

Don't expect a tip or be suggestive of for it. Its your job. We understand that it is your way to live but we do not see fit to leave a good tip if you did nothing to earn it. We all work for a money and no reason for you not to if you are a food service worker. Do not push your customers out the door either. We feel it is not polite to bring the check before someone is done eating unless so asked to do otherwise. It pressures the guests into hurrying. We would also like to leave a side note here to readers who are not in the food service industry...if there is a wait to eat DO NOT SIT THERE AND TALK FOR 3 DAYS! GET the crap OUT! Be courteous, please.

Is it just us or does the server know the most inconvenient time to ask you a question. It feels like my mouth has never been empty when asked a question from my server. It takes real skillz (yes with a z because its that intense).

As the guests wrap up their outing offer to-go drinks and to box their food. Its nice.

Holidays...not everyone is a Christian. This you should be trained on...just don't have tunnel vision. Open up and consider the other side of the fence.

Don't Stop Believin'


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

An Introduction: From Yours Truly(s)

So, here we are: you, him and I. All sitting in front of "a computer" converging on a simplistic way of communication and entertainment. We guess the lot of us should go through formalities. 

Behind door 1: Introvert 2

A tall 6 foot, 20 something blonde hair, green-eyed Aryan. Yes, some Aryans had green eyes thank you much. You can date his heritage back to the F├╝hrer himself. Okay, you caught us we are liars but it was worth it for the shock and awe factor. Well, not liars in the entirety...he is a German but I am pretty sure he isn't related to the you know who that did you know what (I am not talking about Voldemort).  He is an educated man with BA in science with an emphasis in badassness. Introvert 2 is just a small town boy, living in a lonely world (if you know this reference props to you). What isn't there to like about him? 

Well.... If you don't like a Dirty White Boy who used to be a Soul Doctor, that is now a Cold As Ice, Hot-Blooded Juke Box Hero with Double Vision and a Heart That Turns Stone, but just Wants To Know What Love Is and Feels Like The First Time with an Urgent case of Headgames...then he isn't for you.   

Behind door 743 (door 2 is rigged with plastic explosives and door 3 went into the wood chipper and door 4 caught fire and well we just miss-placed the rest) : Introvert 1

Looking for a tall, dark handsome...well keep looking . He is tall and dark but not so handsome. He has actually broken glass whilst standing before it, I digress. Another 6 foot something with a real close knit family...a.k.a...The Mob. Yes kids, the dude is Sicilian and I am not talking about a Papa Johns Specialty Pizza. He is also and educated man (at least he has a piece of paper to suggest it). A man of science...if you are wondering, no emphasis, other than an overly enthusiastic admiration of the psychological sciences (or lack of science). Introvert 1 is a city boy, born and raised waaaay south of Detroit (again props to you). 

Calling All Girls: Introvert 1 is an Under Pressure, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy.  He used to have a Killer Queen but hey, Another One Bites The Dust.  Don't Stop Me Now, Introvert 1 isn't necessarily looking for Somebody To Love and he isn't thrilled about A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.  However, he Will Rock You in the bedroom, where you and Introvert 1 Are (always) The Champions.  But if you are looking for a more serious Bicycle Race, then its just Bohemian Rhapsody for you.

And now for something completely different...I mean you, as readers, need to know why WE are here. Where were you last? Was there a thing that just irked you? Well, Introvert 2 and myself (Introvert 1) have noticed a certain lack of "etiquette" and "courtesy" in society. We decided, if not for more than just getting it off our chests, to help "educate" on the unwritten rules of etiquette in society. 

This concludes our first post...simply because my fingers are nimble and tired and since Introvert 2 has a "unique" way of formulating sentences my translator has now malfunctioned and the parts to fix it are on backorder. Quite frankly, Introvert 2 and myself have cooked our brians...umm and by that I mean a mush. 

Don't Stop Believin'