Monday, November 29, 2010

2 Introverts take a Stroll (Not hand in hand, mind you)

Hello again. Introvert 2 and I hope you had a wonderful time stuffing your face full of food over the past few days. We know we did. Anyway, let us get to it, shall we?

So, we are sure you can relate to this at some point in your life. Picture this...there you are all in a rush, or maybe you just have long legs/strides. You are minding your own and walking with purpose. Walking down the sidewalk, walkway in the mall, hall at get the point, a walking path of some sort. You are just cruising and then you wind up behind a strewn out group of people. Just 4 or 5 of them walking in a line on a 3 person wide walkway. Well, you slow up coming to their crawling pace and make loud footsteps so you are heard hoping they get out of the way, movie over, two of them drop back and let you pass or something to the effect where you don't have to end up playing Red Rover on an unsuspecting group of peeps. Do they here you? Of course not. Do they move over, eff that they say. So you wait until there is a small opening in the oncoming pedestrians and zip past them shooting back a look of, "Get the #$%^ out of the way please and thanks." Okay, maybe you are much nicer than that but thats what I do. Introvert 2 agrees with me.

Don't get me wrong people its all fine and dandy to hang out with "the group" but please be considerate to those who don't hang with the "crowd."

Here are a few suggestions Introvert 2 and I have to make life a little bit easier for everyone:

1) When on a sidewalk do not walk in a line perpendicular to the flow of traffic. Make a line. Said line does not need be single file because hey, who wants to walk by themselves...besides Introverts? Do a walking partner line. Two wide isn't a big deal unless its a "one way" walkway. Ya know...those two person wide hallways or such then its all single file buddy.

2) Another thing....when in a public venue such as a mall do not walk against flow of traffic. There are two sides separated by those little "shoppes" in the middle who annoy the piss out of you for a reason. Its like a road...ya know for those of you who have a driver's license. For those of you who don't, underage or just can't seem to figure out how to pass...then let me help you. Since this is America we will use those rules of the road. You're right hand...if you don't have a right hand...then the right side of your body should be closest to the stores...note that I said stores and not shoppes. Follow the flow of traffic in that direction. Once you reach the end of this "road" then its time for a U-Turn. Magically, your right side of the body will still be closest to the stores but you'll be going in the opposite direction. If you ever find yourself with the right side of your body closest to the "shoppes" then YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. You are walking against the flow of traffic. Just remember this if you can't seem to figure out why you seem to be dodging people to walk forward. This typically means they are going the opposite direction of you and if you find yourself struggling to get anywhere without doing this...then that probably means they are going the correct direction and you are not. Do NOT stop and panic. Just merge into the right flow of traffic saying excuse me and thank you...because polite is nice.

3) Stopping. Never just stop in the flow of traffic. Once again a driving analogy. This is like slamming on your breaks and a texter or someone who is not paying attention will rear-end you. This type of rear-ending will seem a lot more personal and you may experience unwanted sexual encounters. Just simply move to the side of the flow of traffic and do your business there.

Don't Stop Believin'


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