Did you think we would keep you hanging forever...??? I, Introvert 2 (yes Introvert 2 is going to try to type this up today),feel that when considering topics of etiquette, the number one topic has to be etiquette in the bathroom. We feel that due to what we were innately given, it is only prudent to focus on male restroom etiquette. The lou, whether public or at home, is a sacred place, a place where some of our most simplest, animalistic necessities are taken care of. The hierarchy of needs suggests that until these are take care of, one may not function. However, with the melting pot of America adding cultures from around the world and the ignorantness of mankind increasing the latrine is becoming deglorified.
We must break this down into subsections of bathroom etiquette beginning with the ever so important: Efficiency.
Before we begin though, I would like to say that I, Introvert 1, am taking over the keyboard. Introvert 2 says he has more nimble fingers than I and a nimble ability to translate, but once again I digress (Introvert 2: "Really...? I digress???")
We feel that men's restrooms are far superior than that of women facilities due to the faster excretion processing time.
- wast no time, this is vital, walk in do your business, wash your hands, and get out.
- If you have to be told this...that is a little scary.
- Never make eye contact, this can be dangerous resulting in a beating or unwanted sexual encounters.
- Resist, at all costs, the temptations to let your gaze wonder to any part of another occupant's body whether their nether regions are of any interest to you or not.
II. Urinal Section
- When entering the restroom always select a urinal furthest away from other men currently using the urinal.
Situation 1: All the urinals are empty .Your action should be to take either of the end urinals
Situation 2: 1 urinal is currently occupied on either of the ends of the row of urinals. Your action should be to take the opposite end urinal.
Situation 3: Both ends of the urinal row is taken. Your action should be to take the middle urinal. This places you equidistant to both end urinals.
Situation 4: Both end urinals are occupied as well as the middle urinal. NO URINALS ARE ACCEPTABLE. Your action is to either wait it out or use a stall (preferably the farthest one away). Under no circumstances should two adjacent urinals be used simultaneously.
- Urinal flushing is typically optional.
- Flushing is madatory after a period of time when the urinal water has reached a rich orange in color.
- Commodes, always flush the commodes there are no excuses for this.
-If you come upon an unflushed commode...leave, do not use and use another stall.
IV. Noise Pollution
-Any noise that doesn't eminate from the pluming is consider extremely undisirable, while grunting is consider highly inapropriate.
- There are allowances made for the occasonal cough or clearing of the throat
-Speech...never ever under any circumstance say a single word while in the bathroom. Do not talk to a friend, loner, or even to Jesus himself. Violation of this precept grates against all things and the way of nature. It corrodes efficiency of the bathroom and puts the very fabric of our nation in peril.
Don't Stop Believin'